We may have thought censorship was ruthless in the bad old days, but nothing makes you mind your P’s and Q’s better — or teaches you how to channel-change lightning quick, like a ninja — than becoming a parent.
I am an expressive person, but swearing isn’t my strong suit.
I don’t use the F-word as effectively as my husband when I bang my toe.
It comes out wrong and sounds silly — this has as much to do with me being of conservative Scottish descent as it does with me being a girl.
A six-foot, bellowing man with a stubbed baby toe sounds genuinely and appropriately enraged when he yells four-letter profanities at the offensive table leg.
I sound like the inside of a helium balloon.
As a result, I haven’t had to censor myself much around the kids, because if I do start hissing the S-word after burning rice, it naturally deflates in the heat of the steam — I sound stupid when I swear, so generally, I don’t.
As a writer, I understand better than most that words have immense power.
As a person, I also know that there’s no truth at all in the adage, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me.”
Mostly, as a woman, I know that to ban something makes it more tempting — like never having chocolate in the house. Bad move.
The hot topic of “inappropriate words” never goes out of vogue — I’ve yet to find a group of women who swear thickly, like a bunch of troopers.
And we like it that way, as we enjoy projecting ourselves as the more genteel, controlled sex.
Also, swearing at someone is the verbal equivalent of hitting them with a stick.
The intent and feeling behind the word or action is the issue, because mostly, if we’re going to clobber someone, call them nasty names or swear at them, we’re angry and nursing violent thoughts.
This is perhaps the main reason we’re so terrified of our children’s potty mouths: if she’s capable of saying that, then what else is she capable of doing?
And in so doing, ruining my reputation?
Researchers reportedly have found that swearing, done in the heat of the moment, may actually have a cathartic effect — it can make us feel better after being injured or hurt emotionally.
And that’s how I’ve rolled with my children’s curiosity in this field.
If one’s going to lose control and hurl a word at someone, that word is likely to start with ‘F’ or ‘S’ and end in disaster — which isn’t OK.
But if you’ve banged your toe, it’s quite OK to mutter it aggressively under your breath, or inside your head, as science may yet prove that a bit of good, old-fashioned cursing is the psychological equivalent of a Disney plaster.
And no amount of “good golly gosh, that was eina!” is going to make the pain go away — it’s better to do it like one’s mother does and be a helium balloon, just for a moment.
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